Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Wednesday Before Christmas...

Today was definitely a busy day. The little man got up at six am and although he joined daddy & I in bed, I didn't get much sleep after that.

We got up around 8:30, oh the join of a work at home day... getting to "sleep" late, well at least not having to get up & get going as early.

Got work done and hemmed up my little guys dress slacks during lunch. Dad coordinated everyone getting dressed and with a little assistance from mom all the kiddos were ready to see Santa.

Unbelievable.. we managed to see the Legendary Santa with only a 30 minute wait! We normally have a 1 1/2 - 3 hour wait. After Santa we had a nice dinner with Nana and then home to decorate the tree.

The little guy crashed out around 11:15, the older two are still going and will until we kick them out & off to bed (teenagers!).

Now, just to get the last few items on the list & we'll be all ready for the bid day.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

A Better Day

Today's been a bit better. I'm not sure if my hubby actually remembers all that went on last night... he says he does, but at the same time appears surprised when I tell him he wanted to throw things at the tv. I just don't know... he's at least talking to me now, and seams in better spirits.

Rough Night

It's been an emotional night. The hubby's currently sleeping on the sofa.

I don't think he's eaten anything in the last 24 hours. I'm afraid he's on another depression spiral.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Another Year

Today is the first day of the fourteenth year of my marriage.

You'd think after thirteen years together you'd know someone. They'd know you. What I've found is that's not true. I don't know my husband better now that I did thirteen years ago, and I liked him a whole lot better then than now. Now, don't get me wrong, I love him - I just don't like him all the time. As for him knowing me... I don't think he knows who I am at all.

With three children ranging from 15 to 8 I feel like I'm loosing my mind. My oldest two are in the midst of teenage hormones and rebellion while my youngest is special needs and is very much a mommy's boy, but then developmentally he's still 4 or 5, even if he's 120+ lbs and physically hitting some early puberty issues himself.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just whining. I'm exhausted, physically some - mentally completely. I'm the working adult in our household. And i have some resentment over that. Not that I'm working. The fact that I'm able to provide is a relief in this economic climate. It's that I'm the only income and not because of job loss, but lack wanting one.

I'm frustrated over being have to be the responsible one... the bill payer, the schedule keeper, the homework helper, the school intermediary, the cook, the laundress, the housekeeper (admittedly a bad one). I don't do everything, but it feels like a disproportionate division.

I'm just so tired.